Letter From Home

This is a different letter from home, bear with me, Folks!

First of all, DH bought one of those portable spa units last month. He finally made a platform for it, so that it's level on our cement slab behind the house. Living where I do, I am naturally concerned that the space beneath the platform is like a 4 star motel for the snakes in the area. He set up the tub and filled it on Sunday. Yesterday, was Wednesday, right? He still hadn't tried it out. Now - because of blood pressure problems etc. I am NOT supposed to get into a nice steaming hot bathtub. BUT, the temperature hadn't reached decently warm yet, so I decided to test it out. Water temp was 91F, air temp 85F with a "feels like" of 93F. The water felt like a normal swimming pool, not warm, not cold. I climbed in - wearing panties and a tank top - remember - I live in the boonies. No, there will never be any pictures, not even from the back! Forget that right now.

DH turned on the bubbles. Viola! I did not expect that much action out of a $350 deal. I had some problems. I couldn't stay sitting! I believe I must be 80% fat, because fat floats on water. The bubbles were trying to send me all over and trying to turn me over - doing a 2-way rotation. I finally managed to anchor myself enough nor to end up with water in my o2 tube or down in my lungs. It wasn't bad! THEN I told DH to climb in with me. Higher water, more buoyancy. It was actually pretty bleep funny to any bird in a tree. You have got to know, this was a whole new experience for me. I thought it would be like a whirlpool bathtub. Nope, more jets, maybe not as strong - I don't remember exactly, but I never had bubbles like that or felt like a leaf in rushing water. Remember I wore a tank top? I have a bad shoulder and DH had to peel it off me later. I need to rethink my 'tub-wear'.

Now, on a more somber note. My doctor had told me several (?) years ago that my short-term memory loss was from lack of o2 to my brain. I believe I have something more serious, as it continues getting worse. I'm still me, but some of the things I forget make no sense and it happens every day. It is very frustrating. I read about all the problems that caregivers have with their dementia or Alzheimer’s patients, not much out there about the patients themselves. I feel I am living it, every day. The notes on my monitor are numerous, I forget my pills, I forget where I leave them. I remember  ... up to a point, and then I'm blank. I have eaten supper twice thinking I hadn't the first time and then I wonder did I take my pills twice? I sometimes forget to eat--all day. Then I don't take my pills or drink anything. It's messing with whatever - oh bleep, I forgot what I was going to say. Bleep! I don't drive anymore, mainly because the arthritis in my hands gives me no good grip on the steering wheel. I have gotten myself lost, nothing looks familiar, and I drive and drive until I see something that I know. I worry, that someday down the road, I will end up taking the car out and be waving at my neighbors in an oncoming car - forcing them off the road. Not impossible, my neighbor had Alzheimer’s and he did that exact thing to me. They did hide the car keys then. I don't like this, not at all. The doctors are aware, yet they still ask ME what pills I need refilled, they have my charts, I honestly thought they kept track of what they were prescribing. Needless to say, I'm missing a couple. The last time I went, I told her I needed a new Rx for one of my breathing meds. SHE didn't do it. Doctors - what are they going to do for me? Maybe give me pills that I won't remember to take or take them twice thinking I hadn't the first time. 

I know - don't tell me, I have half a dozen of those day of the week pill cases, but I can't be expected to carry them on my person 24 hours a day or to remember to fill them after I have used the last day's pills. (A year ago - maybe. Now - no.)

Pa-leeze, do NOT tell me how sorry you are, or to get better, or pray, or tell me to go to another doctor (been there, done that, doesn't mean squat). Pity - I don't need. I am just writing this as a thought. Who knows, you may be next.

Have a great day, people!